Say what?

Because we aren't always good, because we mess up, because we will have pain, because people will hate, because all we can possibly do is our best... even though sometimes our best isn't even good.
I run into more days when my best SHOULD be nothing more than staying in bed... but I force myself into life anyways. I tell myself that if  I give in to my pain I'm weak, that if I do what anyone else would do... people will see me as lazy. I end up working my ass off for minimum wage... and often less than that because I feel bad for saying no. Well I'm finally saying no to people, I gave myself a valid excuse (I see it as more valid than chronic pain). I'm going to be working overtime, with little sleep and even less pay... but I WANT to, this time I made the choice, and I have a better chance at joy elsewhere. I get to leave all of the people who despise me for no reason... and the ones who love me only for my yesses and fake sunshine (even when they don't know it). Truth is, NO you're NOT the only one! Life. Sucks. For more than just you. No, I may not "get" exactly what you're going through, but I get pain. I get what you're feeling and all of the suck in life.
But at the same time, I also "get" that God is somehow good in the midst of this mess. I get that I have a hope and a future... even if it doesn't show up until heaven. And I get... that sometimes I do need to stuff all of the pain and depression, even if just for a moment; Because there's NOTHING wrong, with pretending there's nothing wrong. Not so much for the show of it, or for other people... but because in the lapse of caring about caring I find a spark... a reason to dance in the nothingness.
I find "nothing" to be beautiful and amazing, because I'm surrounded by somethings and someones and problems and never ending shit ALL THE TIME... I like to just stop sometimes, remember to forget... and dance, scream, run, beat things... but all the while: be careless and free. For no other reason than that it feels better than living the normal way.

So even though I live in and amid pain, the one and only thing I can do... against all of the expected and asked for and normal and perceived things... is FIGHT.