He makes me happy.
I haven't been happy with life since I was like 6. He makes me laugh and smile, people don't often see real joy out of me, but he draws it out. I miss the way he looked at me, it made me feel loved, beautiful, safe, and like we had fire between us. He has my heart, I don't want to take it back for anything. I just pray that he never tries to hand it back.
I get SO excited over marrying him one moment and then the next moment I feel like I'm being too needy or ooey-gooey and beat myself up for it.
I just want my man... Right now.
Monday, September 17, 2012
The boy of my dreams
God you know, that if I lost everything else in the world I'd be ok because I know he'd find a way to take care of me... But if I loose him, everything is already gone.
I just realized that... And I know I'm being silly but my worst fear is that he'll decide I'm not good enough for him in some way... or that he just doesn't like or want me anymore, or that there's someone better. It's awesome when he's here because he shows me that he loves me everyday, and he proves it... But when he's gone - even though I'm secure in myself and who I am - I feel so insecure, so scared (like an idiot, I hope) that he's off in Texas finding someone better, or just deciding that I'm not worth it.
I'm asking you God, for some reason you gave him to me... now please don't take him away. I'm really in love with him and I don't know what my life would be without him. If we're just fine and he still loves me just like he says he does, give me security. And if for some reason he breaks it off... give me security. I like myself the best when he's by my side, and I truly believe that you used him to finally give me direction, but if he goes away I'm screwed. Please please please let me keep him, and make him a man worthy of your seal. You know my wishes every time I throw a penny or see a shooting star have been for him ever since that first night... So please give me that unless you make something miraculously better obvious to me. (which I don't see happening)
But please... Make me secure.
I just realized that... And I know I'm being silly but my worst fear is that he'll decide I'm not good enough for him in some way... or that he just doesn't like or want me anymore, or that there's someone better. It's awesome when he's here because he shows me that he loves me everyday, and he proves it... But when he's gone - even though I'm secure in myself and who I am - I feel so insecure, so scared (like an idiot, I hope) that he's off in Texas finding someone better, or just deciding that I'm not worth it.
I'm asking you God, for some reason you gave him to me... now please don't take him away. I'm really in love with him and I don't know what my life would be without him. If we're just fine and he still loves me just like he says he does, give me security. And if for some reason he breaks it off... give me security. I like myself the best when he's by my side, and I truly believe that you used him to finally give me direction, but if he goes away I'm screwed. Please please please let me keep him, and make him a man worthy of your seal. You know my wishes every time I throw a penny or see a shooting star have been for him ever since that first night... So please give me that unless you make something miraculously better obvious to me. (which I don't see happening)
But please... Make me secure.
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